Shaun T, who has been a Beach body trainer for more than a decade, says gay men married to women message him every day for advice. Here, he shares why he thinks this is so common. He also talks about what he and his husband, Scott Blokker, have been up to since they married in 2012. Read on to learn more about these two incredible people.
1. They don’t want to be alone
One of Shaun T’s fans, Brynn, told the BBC about how gay men married to women message him every day for advice. They often ask how they can keep their marriage alive after they discover they’re gay.
“It’s a really tough time for them because they don’t want to be alone, but they also have this niggling doubt in the back of their mind that they can never quite get over. They’re not sure if it’s going to destroy the relationship,” she said.
The good news is that there are lots of gay men married to women who make it work.
They’re able to find their identity in a relationship that isn’t about physical chemistry. They’re able to have an honest conversation about their sexuality and they’re able to build a family.
2. They’re afraid of being rejected
Shaun T says gay men married to women message him every day for advice – and he knows they’re often fearful. They don’t want to be rejected or left alone if their partner isn’t happy.
Getting into a relationship with someone who’s not attracted to you is no small feat, but it can be particularly challenging for men who are also battling with their own mental health issues. It can be especially difficult if they’re struggling with depression or are dealing with a traumatic past.
In some cases, it’s the fear of being rejected that leads them to stifle their sexuality or choose partners who are straight. This can be a vicious cycle, with the couple never finding true love.
Research suggests that this fear of being rejected can make it harder for gay men to engage with women on a romantic level. Fortunately, it’s been found that when gay men reveal their sexuality, women are more open to the idea of being romantically involved with them.
3. They don’t want to be alone
In a bid to help them deal with their sexuality and relationship issues, gay men married to women message Shaun T every day for advice. They also travel from all over the country to join a support group he runs in Manchester called Gay Married Men, which was started 10 years ago.
Many of the gay men he meets are older and have married women in the 1970s and 80s, when society was more hostile to LGBTQ2+ people. They’re still committed to their marriages, but they do have to make compromises when it comes to their sexuality.
Same-sex attraction shouldn’t be a reason to avoid getting married, as long as you can both be confident in your attraction to each other. It should be something that you discuss, pray about, and decide on together.
4. They’re afraid of being rejected
When a gay man reveals his sexual orientation to his partner, it can create significant stress and anxiety. In particular, if they are married, this can impact the family unit. The husband may feel that he is no longer welcome in his community or religious group, and this could lead to rejection from family and friends.
Many heterosexual women are also afraid to talk about their feelings with a gay man for fear that they will be rejected. This may be due to the perceived risk that their partner may misunderstand or misconstrue their friendliness as flirting or sexual interest.
The fear of being rejected can affect their relationship with their spouse, and it can also influence the way they behave in their relationships with other people. For example, they may become less socially active or have a hard time forming close friendships. They may also be more likely to seek out a heterosexual partner than a same-gender partner.
